I still remember

I seem to be having the oddest dreams lately, ones that take me back, far back to things that I truly care not to remember.

One, the one that seems to be the most disturbing one, is of Joslynn. I still, to this day remember the day she died, I still as I sit and think about it I can feel the emotions start to creep through my veins again. I can feel the aching in my heart again, and I long for her, the way I did just after I lost her.

I don't know exactly what triggered these dreams, maybe it was the drive past the telephone pole a few weeks ago, maybe it was just something underlying inside of me, I just don't know.

I remember that day so clearly:

I remember saying goodbye to her at school that day, I hugged her and told her to call me. I walked out of school that day with Amanda, Craig and Steven. That whole day had seemed weird, there was just an uneasiness about it all. I remember going home, eating dinner with my family, I remember doing my homework and then I remember the phone ringing, I remember the way my heart sank when my aunt told whoever it was on the other line that I would have to talk to them tomorrow because it was too late for me to be on the phone. I remember the walk to school the next morning, it seemed to endless and nothing short of 4 heavy hearted people.

Though none of us spoke of it, we all seemed to know something had happend. I remember walking through the front doors of Hilbert Junior High that morning, to see nothing but grief. I knew as Alisha ran to me, I knew what had happened. I didn't need an explanation, I didn't need to know the details.

We left school early that day, Ann (alisha's mom) picked us up from school and we went to the telephone pole where she was killed and we wrote messages and we left flowers and as a community, we pulled together.

The days leading to the funeral seem to be a blur now, it was filled with too many tears, too much heartache after losing someone at such a young age. I remember the way Tina and Savanah held me that day, how at such a young age we had experienced too much of the cruel harsh world.

The funeral was long, I still remember the looks on parents faces as we stood outside in a group, smoking, at 13 yrs old. The way that they cruelly judged us, The way they never should have been allowed to. I remember the few parents that were there for us, the ones who tried their best to comfort us and remind us how we still had each other...

Now, 6 yrs later,when I look back at these moments, its still one of the saddest moments of my life, but it was a huge part of my growing up. It forced me to face things I shouldn't have had to face, and it taught me love, like I had never felt