Snowballs

had a dream last night:It was snowing, I was walking in it, trying to clear my head. i was standing in a field and across the field I could see you, you reached out for me, but I wouldn't take your hands. You said everything would be ok, not to worry.

You reached your gloved hands out and try to put your arms around me, I let you pull me close and I cried on your chest. You started playing with my hair, and I seemed to realize what was happening, and I pulled away from you. I looked you in the eye, and I don't think I will ever forget how blue they were at that moment, I told you no. A single tear rolled down your cheek and I wiped it away.

I reminded you that you left me, that you walked away, and it seemed as though you realized the gravity of losing me, which now I wonder if you ever will.

i woke up at 1:30 to a tear soaked pillow, I don't know how long I had been crying, Today, the lump rises in my throat as I think of the things that I have to do, because I know you won't. its not really that I want to tell them, but if I don't i don't think that I'll be ok. it's not about pissing you off, not at all. In fact I don't hate you, or resent you, I just miss you. I wish someone could fill up these holes, I really did believe you were the one, in fact I still do, which is probably why I'm havng such a hard time with this.