I thought you'd want the same

So in lue of writing, I decided to write about something important.

Dan. (see photo on left)

See I still think he's too good for me, he could do much better than me, but still its me he wants.

and still I'm not really too sure why. I'm falling in love with him though and that scares me terribly. but he's exactly whats making me happy in my life right now.

NaBloPoMo

So in honor of my blog writing or that so lacking of it lately I have decided to do NaBloPoMo...
It should be interesting if nothing else...30 straight days of posts. Yipee!

Smiles

This made my day :)

Xia hanging on the kitchen window

What about now?

Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading,
From all the things that we are
But are not saying.

Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn?
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up toT
he ways you made me feel alive,
The ways I loved you.

For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

The sun is breaking in your eyes
To start a new day.
This broken heart can still survive
With a touch of your grace.

Shadows fade into the light
.I am by your side,
Where love will find you.
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

What if our love, it never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?

Now that we're here,
Now that we've come this far,
Just hold on.
There is nothing to fear,
For I am right beside you.
For all my life,I am yours.

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?

As long as your here

I woke up last night to my phone vibrating on the night stand next to me. The stupid red light blinking, meaning I have a new text message. It was from Brandon, saying he needed my advice on something...

Now I will vent:

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM? HE CAN'T JUST WALK IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE AT HIS CONVENICE, IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! I AM A HUMAN BEING WITH EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS AND EVERYTIME HE DOES THIS IT CRUSHES ME!

Of course my reply was; of course, whats going on. And OF COURSE he needed guy advice, ugh. Its really hard for me to imagine him with a man, especially having sex with another man, in fact we won't even go there.

But of course I miss him, and today that was all I needed to take me there.

Some more things that wise old man taught me

Forgive yourself your mistakes. You learn from them, and with any luck you’ll have got them out your system when you’re young, and won’t have to bother with a mid-life crisis.
Don’t define yourself through anyone else. Work out what you’re all about, and look for someone to complement you, not to complete you.

Be honest with yourself and others. You don’t have to be flawless and perfect to be loved and appreciated. And there’s nothing wrong with making people work for it it a bit, sometimes.
There’s plenty of time for everything. This is the great mystery of life, and you won’t find it out for a while. You don’t need to pack everything into now, and even if you do, so much of it will be wasted on you until you learn how to really savour it.

He doesn’t think you’re beautiful because he loves you. You are beautiful. But he does love you and that’s OK.

You’re a girl. Appreciate how lucky you are at this time in history. You can do anything and be anything you want to. Go and get the world, and beat it into submission. Or not. Whatever you want.

Know what you want, and know how to get it. Men love that kind of thing.

You have amazing gifts: you are immensely charming, astoundingly articulate and mind-bogglingly manipulative. Use your powers for good, sweetie. Please.

Know who you are. No one else will ever get it right, so don’t depend on them.
Never stop kicking against the pricks, speaking up for what you believe in, and standing up to be counted. Never forget that respect is earned, not given.

When you say nothing at all

Things with Dan and I have been exceptionally good lately, I haven't really thought of Brandon too much lately, let alone miss him. A recap of the other night:

We're currently apartment searching, we finally found the perfect one. In celebration we went furniture shopping, which actually turned out to be fun, he didn't complain once (probably because he knows hes getting that damn 40' HD flat screen).

We stopped by to visit Ann and Larry (my best friends parents) just to hang out and well mostly cause they keep calling cause they miss us. One moment that sticks in my mind is as follows:
Larry (who works 16 hr days 6 days a week) was enjoying his one day off and was drunk. He absolutly loves Dan, looks at me and asks if I'm ok, I assure him I'm just overtired. He looks at Dan and says don't worry baby, I know he'll take care of you. Dan looks me in the eye and says I will take care of her, you don't have to worry Larry. She is my everything.
Soon after we left.

We went to starbucks and our ritual rather than sit inside with the overly hyper high school kids is that we park behind starbucks and talk. This is one of my favorite things, we get to really talk, about whatever.

Halfway through our conversation though I ruined the moment. I had my hand on his thigh and had been slowly inching it toward his crotch. I was getting close...

He leaned in and kissed me, in a way he never had before. I can't really explain what I felt in that kiss, but it was def more than I expected. We made love in his car, yes I said made love. There is a very distinct difference between making love and having sex, and this is the first time we have made love.

Needless to say...it was a good night. It made going to work with only an hr and a half of sleep not so horrible (the 3 hrs nap after work helped too). I'm off tonight...which means I will catch up on my sleep. I hope tonight I'm dreaming of him and not Brandon, because I think finally my heart may be healing.