If we're gonna make this work...

Why is it, that we wait so long for something, doing whatever it takes for us to get it. and then once we have it we realize that the chase is better than the prize?

Why is it that no matter how hard you try, not matter how hard you give, you can't make someone give back to you?

Why is it that I need him, more than he will ever need me?

Why is it that he can't want me, not that way I want him to?

Why is it that I will cry tears for him, and he will never even be shaken by losing me?

I don't understand anymore. I have given so much, sometimes more than I have to give, and in return he can't give an ounce of himself back to me? I don't doubt that he loves me, but sometimes I doubt his intentions and most of the time I doubt that he even wants to be in the same room with me.

Love, at first is exciting. There are butterflies, and you are nervous and every touch has sparks, and every kiss has fireworks, sex is awkward still, and you laugh together still. As time goes on you start to get comfortable, and those feelings start to fade, you don't touch as often, kisses are fewer and farther between, and affection fades.

Why is it that he can't love me the way that I love him? That wise old man told me once never to settle, no matter how much you love someone. Now I question myself, am I settling because I'm in love with him?

I have never questioned his relationship with her, though I know it has ended (good ole' myspace can tell me that) but I don't know why, or what happened or what made him come back to me. I don't know the things that he feels, mostly because he won't share those feelings with me.

Tonight, when he brought me home I felt as though something was ending, though really I know soon he will call and we will talk late into the night. I will pretend the fact that he never touches me anymore doesn't bother me and we will go on with our lives.

I'm afraid to be without him. I don't question my love for him because I know that my love is true and it is pure and it is hopeful. I can't change him and I know that, but I don't understand where this is all going, why am I doing this to myself when I know truly in reality I am the one who will be hurt again.

The weight of the world on my shoulders and I write this, wondering where I am going with my life, and what I am accomplishing because especially lately I feel as though I am going nowhere. I wonder why I have to deal with all the bull and why I can't just let him go, and I wonder why, why can't he just love me? For me.

The silence takes over the room

She calls him, no answer, she thinks its strange but tries not to think about it so much. She hops on the computer, checks her email, her facebook, edits some blog stuff, plays on myspace for awhile. Decides to leave him a cute message on his myspace.

She clicks on his page, as she scrolls down she notices someone new in his number one spot. Someone named Jessie, scrolls down and reads his latest comments, which reads: I had a good time talking to you too last night, I put you in my top friends.

Decides to click on said girls page and reads her boyfriends comment to the girl: You are a sweet girl, I really liked talking to you last night, hope we can do it again soon. Looking forward to this weekend.


Now she's intrigued, she sends said girl a message, tries to call her M.I.A. boyfriend, no answer still hmmmm?


Well unfortunatly the message she recieved back wasn't quite what she hoped for, neither was her pathetic boyfriends excuse to get out of it.

When he tried to flip it around on how she works too much (excuse me, one of us has to, we are having a baby) she gave up. Now she is single, at 19 with a baby on the way.

And she cries, harder than she thought she could have for him, maybe its that she's scared now?Maybe its that just last night they had the please don't hurt me convo?


Yeah it was a great day.