Why is it, that we wait so long for something, doing whatever it takes for us to get it. and then once we have it we realize that the chase is better than the prize?
Why is it that no matter how hard you try, not matter how hard you give, you can't make someone give back to you?
Why is it that I need him, more than he will ever need me?
Why is it that he can't want me, not that way I want him to?
Why is it that I will cry tears for him, and he will never even be shaken by losing me?
I don't understand anymore. I have given so much, sometimes more than I have to give, and in return he can't give an ounce of himself back to me? I don't doubt that he loves me, but sometimes I doubt his intentions and most of the time I doubt that he even wants to be in the same room with me.
Love, at first is exciting. There are butterflies, and you are nervous and every touch has sparks, and every kiss has fireworks, sex is awkward still, and you laugh together still. As time goes on you start to get comfortable, and those feelings start to fade, you don't touch as often, kisses are fewer and farther between, and affection fades.
Why is it that he can't love me the way that I love him? That wise old man told me once never to settle, no matter how much you love someone. Now I question myself, am I settling because I'm in love with him?
I have never questioned his relationship with her, though I know it has ended (good ole' myspace can tell me that) but I don't know why, or what happened or what made him come back to me. I don't know the things that he feels, mostly because he won't share those feelings with me.
Tonight, when he brought me home I felt as though something was ending, though really I know soon he will call and we will talk late into the night. I will pretend the fact that he never touches me anymore doesn't bother me and we will go on with our lives.
I'm afraid to be without him. I don't question my love for him because I know that my love is true and it is pure and it is hopeful. I can't change him and I know that, but I don't understand where this is all going, why am I doing this to myself when I know truly in reality I am the one who will be hurt again.
The weight of the world on my shoulders and I write this, wondering where I am going with my life, and what I am accomplishing because especially lately I feel as though I am going nowhere. I wonder why I have to deal with all the bull and why I can't just let him go, and I wonder why, why can't he just love me? For me.
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Friday, May 23, 2008
Fall in love with Jack Daniels again...
So since I have last wrote life has been, well its been a little crazy...
Dan and I broke up because, well because he doesn't know what a monogamous relationship is.
My place of work laid of 90 people, considering our company only consists of 105 people, it was a pretty huge layoff
My cat...oh where to start? well really I'm not sure what is wrong with her, but her fur is falling off, literally, in chunks. You can see her jaw bone.
Dan and I are back together after a 3 week seperation...How are things with us?? Ehhh about how they've always been so who knows whats going to happen, Though truly I do love him.
Rain on the window makes me lonely
Time keeps on passing so slowly
The old man sittin' next to me is fallin' asleep
On a Greyhound Bound For Nowhere
The sun's going down on my misery
Another day gone by with broken dreams
That cell phone I hear ringing, I keep wishing it was you
On a Greyhound Bound For Nowhere
That ring that you were wearing don't mean everything
The way that you stood starin' as you watched me roll away
She loves you and you need me and there some things we can't share
I'm on a Greyhound bound for nowhere
Bright lights of a city shining up ahead
My hearts analyzing everything you said
Did you take me for a fool or did you really care
I'm on a Greyhound bound for nowhere
Dan and I broke up because, well because he doesn't know what a monogamous relationship is.
My place of work laid of 90 people, considering our company only consists of 105 people, it was a pretty huge layoff
My cat...oh where to start? well really I'm not sure what is wrong with her, but her fur is falling off, literally, in chunks. You can see her jaw bone.
Dan and I are back together after a 3 week seperation...How are things with us?? Ehhh about how they've always been so who knows whats going to happen, Though truly I do love him.
Rain on the window makes me lonely
Time keeps on passing so slowly
The old man sittin' next to me is fallin' asleep
On a Greyhound Bound For Nowhere
The sun's going down on my misery
Another day gone by with broken dreams
That cell phone I hear ringing, I keep wishing it was you
On a Greyhound Bound For Nowhere
That ring that you were wearing don't mean everything
The way that you stood starin' as you watched me roll away
She loves you and you need me and there some things we can't share
I'm on a Greyhound bound for nowhere
Bright lights of a city shining up ahead
My hearts analyzing everything you said
Did you take me for a fool or did you really care
I'm on a Greyhound bound for nowhere
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Greyhound bound for nowhere
I write this letter to you, because I miss you and living my life without you, though it has only been a week has been unbearable.
Dan,
I gave you my life, I gave you my heart, the one that you promised so openly to protect. I warned you how it had been broken, that giving it back to you would be harder for me than anything I had ever done. You promised me that you would never let it drop, that you would hold it tight and cherish it. Now I stand here staring at the scattered pieces you left wondering where to begin. I don't know that truly its worth piecing together again, because if loving you only makes me feel this miserable how can it be right? I don't know how to start over, I don't want to start over, I just want to be lost in the arms that for the past 8 months have held me so close. I didn't make this mess on my own, but I am the only one standing here with a broom. I don't know why you felt the need to hurt me so much, in this way. I don't know what she has that I don't, or what she gives you that I so appearantly never could. I loved you, I still do really I just don't know how to move on from you or even how to move on. I have been so strong this week with that little bit of hope that you'd come back to me, but your silence has made it clear that your not. Daniel Patrick I love you and I wish the best for you, I hope that your not left here the way I am in tears and unable to eat, sleep, and barely breath.
Dan,
I gave you my life, I gave you my heart, the one that you promised so openly to protect. I warned you how it had been broken, that giving it back to you would be harder for me than anything I had ever done. You promised me that you would never let it drop, that you would hold it tight and cherish it. Now I stand here staring at the scattered pieces you left wondering where to begin. I don't know that truly its worth piecing together again, because if loving you only makes me feel this miserable how can it be right? I don't know how to start over, I don't want to start over, I just want to be lost in the arms that for the past 8 months have held me so close. I didn't make this mess on my own, but I am the only one standing here with a broom. I don't know why you felt the need to hurt me so much, in this way. I don't know what she has that I don't, or what she gives you that I so appearantly never could. I loved you, I still do really I just don't know how to move on from you or even how to move on. I have been so strong this week with that little bit of hope that you'd come back to me, but your silence has made it clear that your not. Daniel Patrick I love you and I wish the best for you, I hope that your not left here the way I am in tears and unable to eat, sleep, and barely breath.
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