What you can't change

So this post is in reference to some of the things that have really bothered me lately, me venting perhaps?

Dan I have become very close in the past few weeks, never in my life have I felt closer to him, and I think though I once said I will never love more than I loved Brandon, I think I have surpassed that feeling.

Some things that have really been bothering me:
I'm Dan's first serious relationship, so there is a lot for him to learn
Dan's really not a touchy feely kinda person, I however need touch (his parents only touch in the bedroom behind closed doors)
He's not a very great communicator
He definetly needs help sharing his feelings
He hardly ever says I love you, and though I know he does I need to hear it

Regaurdless of all the above, I love him whole heartedly time will only tell I guess.

So due to all the christmas mayhem, my posts that I have started lately haven't made it to the publish stage. For that I truly am sorry, things have just been SO crazy on this end, but I do have some good news, after today I am off for two days, which (hopefully) will give me plenty of time to update you on my latest affairs. til then...

Hmmm

Dan asked me to marry him tonight...yeah things just keep getting weirder and weirder

We took a chance

So I know that I've negelected to write anything purposeful lately, for that I am sorry. Things in life haven't exactly been fair lately, nor have they been exactly what I would call easy, though they have been worse.

So where to start? Well lets start with Dan, we are currently working on our relationship, which is going ok, though there still is definetly an elephant in the room. I don't know how long it will take us to get past that, or really if ever we will.

My mom and I are also working on our relationship, which well we'll just say definetly has its up and downs. Today? Well today it has been down, that parts for sure. Things aren't always easy between us and right now our problems seem to be prominant than anything else, I just wish we could move past it all, and while I can forgive, I'm not sure that I can ever forget.

Work, work has been nuts. I can't wait until the holidays are over, this year they seem to be dragging on forever and I don't really know how much longer I have the energy to do this for. I called in today, merely for the fact that I haven't slept in days and I've stayed late every day for the past 3 weeks, its exhausting at times, most of the time really.

Things on the home front? Ehhhh at the moment they are very sketchy and I'm not sure exactly how much longer I can live like this, I love my uncle and I love my aunt and they are more like parents to me than my mother, but maybe her leaving isn't really such a bad idea, maybe then I could stop crying.

I just don't know at times, I'm not as strong as people think I am, and while I put on a good front, tears still escape at times that I'm not rather proud of. Today for example, and I'm not big on crying in front of people, but I let it go in front of Dan tonight.

But the wheels will turn on the road ahead, if it hurts at all, I haven't really showed it yet, so stop looking for that slight sign that I'm gonna miss what I left behind, I'd settle too.

The weather outside is frightful...

ITS SNOWING!!! Ohhhh snow...how I've missed you so!