We took a chance

So I know that I've negelected to write anything purposeful lately, for that I am sorry. Things in life haven't exactly been fair lately, nor have they been exactly what I would call easy, though they have been worse.

So where to start? Well lets start with Dan, we are currently working on our relationship, which is going ok, though there still is definetly an elephant in the room. I don't know how long it will take us to get past that, or really if ever we will.

My mom and I are also working on our relationship, which well we'll just say definetly has its up and downs. Today? Well today it has been down, that parts for sure. Things aren't always easy between us and right now our problems seem to be prominant than anything else, I just wish we could move past it all, and while I can forgive, I'm not sure that I can ever forget.

Work, work has been nuts. I can't wait until the holidays are over, this year they seem to be dragging on forever and I don't really know how much longer I have the energy to do this for. I called in today, merely for the fact that I haven't slept in days and I've stayed late every day for the past 3 weeks, its exhausting at times, most of the time really.

Things on the home front? Ehhhh at the moment they are very sketchy and I'm not sure exactly how much longer I can live like this, I love my uncle and I love my aunt and they are more like parents to me than my mother, but maybe her leaving isn't really such a bad idea, maybe then I could stop crying.

I just don't know at times, I'm not as strong as people think I am, and while I put on a good front, tears still escape at times that I'm not rather proud of. Today for example, and I'm not big on crying in front of people, but I let it go in front of Dan tonight.

But the wheels will turn on the road ahead, if it hurts at all, I haven't really showed it yet, so stop looking for that slight sign that I'm gonna miss what I left behind, I'd settle too.

You might not know it

The friday after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. In retail we refer to it as "Black Friday" it is a day that we definetly don't look forward to and that we try to request off months in advance, though very few of us are lucky enough to actually get it off. Not a single employee at my store got it off.

We opened at 6a.m. though when I arrived at 4a.m. that morning the line outside had already started building. By the time we actually opened the line had over 1,000 people in it, I was lucky enough to be one of the people standing just inside the door as people came flying through, running to get to what they wanted.

I worked an extremely long shift with those crazy ass people, who at all times of the day were still running through the store. Our hot items were about before 9a.m. I gave away the last Wii to a lady in tears. A good time was had by all, though they bought us food by the time I actually tore away from Electronics it was ice cold, the salad was warm and there was no pop left, lucky me. Yesterdays truck was ginormous, and this mornings will be the same. and...here's the clencher, I get off at 12:30 and I have to be back there at midnight for double trucks...yippee.

Ugh...

I don't want to go back to work today, its payday and I have no desire to go back. I'm still exhausted. I didn't really get much sleep on my day off unfortunatly. I definetly could have used at least 5 more hrs sleep, I didn't even sleep in and then last night I got a mere 3 hrs, ugh. Unfortunatly in the real world they don't care too much about how much sleep I was able to get. They don't even care if I work 60 hrs and 6 days (which currently is what I'm doin) guess really I can't complain though the overtime is really nice.

On to more happier things...

Life is pretty good for the most part, the holiday season is in full swing. Working 6 days and still going strong, today is my one day off :) . So far? Work hasn't been too bad, though I seem to have more patience lately than I would usually have, which may be helping the situation. Once that wears off though, well we'll see how the situation progresses.

Dan I are doing pretty good, nothing too exciting lately. We haven't had sex in about two weeks, no because we're in a rut, just haven't really had the oppurtunity lately. Living at home definetly has its downfalls at times, a lot of times.

I'm still sick, I don't really know what's wrong with me. Instead of getting better I seem to just be getting worse, symptoms progressing and even new ones appearing, strange? I thought so.

Things that make me happy:

Starbucks :) having one in my store is starting to be a costly habit
Sleeping tonight, finally REALLY sleeping more than 4 hrs
Working Midnights, I really don't hate them, they're not so bad
Daniel Patrick, and his little surprises lately
The new Rascal Flatts CD
Finally having the same day off as Vanna so we can see each other
Ihop pumpkin pancakes
Getting hit on at the Olive Garden, I haven't been feeling especially pretty lately
The song "I just love you" by five for fighting, Dan sang it to me the other day
Football season almost being over (I love that he coaches but I'd like to see him too) playoffs almost are finally over
Leaving work at 9am and going to his house and crawling into bed with him
Watching him coach, those kids love him, better yet he loves those kids.

Z-racks, Trucks, Darren, and a bloody nose

I was at work this morning, and while I was working I was thinking about the fact that I never really blog about work. Considering that unfortunatly its such a big part of my life...it suprised me.

I work in retail, and now that we're in 4th quarter and we're actually in the holiday season things are very crazy at work. Our trucks are getting bigger every day and unfortunatly our employee base has stayed about the same.

I work on the Logistics/Flow team basically meaning that I unload the truck in the morning and push the stuff to the floor, and put it out. Below you will find some retail terminology to help you better understand this post.

I got to work this morning, my ETL was late, so I had to stand outside in the cold. Then the truck was bigger than expected, the other softlines girl called off, and since losing chatty kathy due to her sticky fingers we've been very short handed.

I got the Z-Racks and finished settting up softlines only to find that I had no help whatsoever. While unloading a pallet I cut the hell out of my hand, bleed all over my khaki pants, and Darren (my boss) bitched at me for it.

Finally around 9am (even though I was scheduled to leave at 8) they finally sent me some help, at 9:30am my nose started gushing blood. Got bitched at again...but we finished by ten at least. Now I'm home and I think I need a nap, thank god for being off tonight.

Retail Terminology:

ETL: Executive team leader
Z-Rack:a movable clothing rack
Softlines: anything on carpet in a store, in my store it includes Womans, Mens, Girls, Boys, Infants, Baby, Jewelery, Lingere, Hosiery, Sleepwear and shoes *yeah only one person for ALL that*
Push:Stocking

An Old Man

A wise old man taught me three simple rules about life:

1.) It will always be ok, no matter what it is, no it might not turn out like you wanted or how you planned it, but it will be ok.

2.) Boys will always be assholes, its just about finding the one who's worth putting up with

3.) As long as you have one true friend your doing better than the rest of the world (and as he said, I have at least 5)


A girl sits in the bathroom of her local target store (also her place of work) staring at the test, willing it to change its results, because she knows her life is about to change forever and all because of this stupid stick she peed on