Where did it start?

I smiled today, I mean really smiled, its the first time in a long time. I don't remember what it's like to be happy, I only seem to remember how to be sad. I hate being so down all the time, if you knew me, the real me you would be like the rest of the world, doing whatever it takes to get the old Cassie back. The one who's the life of the party, whose smile can light up a room, the one who has a pretty face but an even more beautiful heart, the girl who always thinks of others before herself, and will give until she has nothing left. Where did she go? yeah I'd like to know where she went too.

I think my downfall started as things started going downhill with Brandon. For those of you who don't know that story I will put it sweet and simple. Brandon was my best friend, he was gay, we got very close, eventually we started dating, I fell in love with him. I still don't really know if he loved me, at least not the way that I loved him. We had a pregnancy scare, things kinda got ugly with his parents, and Brandon flew, he's not dating a guy named Chuck. I miss him, I miss the way that he would hold me, the way that he never judged me, I could really be myself with him, because he has known me so long and knew so much. Most of all I miss the way he brought me up, the way he could take any situation and find something positive in it. He proposed, we were engaged, he was my world, now I have nothing.